Your Monday Blessing: The Company

Look, you’ve been fine.
I have been thoroughly entertained, if
that was your concern.
Damn near heroic, in places.
I even liked the bits
where you lost your way, clambered about the stage –
not that I was rooting for you to fail,
but I got to know you, and love you, in those moments
when the script and you were struggling for resolution.
I hope you find exactly what you need, in terms
of creative tension with the director.

I don’t know if you’re taking fan mail,
but it’s with pure admiration that I venture this mild suggestion:
there’s nothing wrong
with occasionally being
the supportive cast.
I mean this as no insult to you at all.
We all seem to have gotten the wrong ideas about stars.
Mostly, they help along the orbits of distant galaxies
by a couple of inches, hoist up the pretty ballerinas
and lumber along in their reliable way.
The ones that keep the universe going only explode
once in a great while. That’s what makes the while so great.

If you would only turn
from the dim prospect of the audience, you would no doubt notice
that the beech trees have been practicing their alleluias,
and the hummingbird, surely, is awe’s only understudy.

Summer is as good a time as any
to try one’s hand at an ensemble production.
Every blade of grass is ready
with a dramatic monologue. Just ask.
And when you reach out finally
to grasp those who bow right along with you,
you will be so proud
of the company which you keep.

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The Marriage Ruling

It was a courtyard bell ringing,
tugged by a hundred million hearts,
just as the service starts.

It was Marion Anderson singing, as Lincoln watched.
It was the Stonewall that cried, “no more.”
It was the jagged piece of our minds after another botched war.

It was a simple iteration of common sense,
a casting from the foundry,
a check that had bounced too often.
It was a boundary fight
between rage and the dying of the light.
It was young America, middle America,
stepping off of the fence,
softening the soil that had been mistaken for bedrock.
It was a party in the halls of conscience.
It was a mock trial for the coming judgments
between water and oil.
It was that glimmer behind hopelessness
begin to roil.

It was the fevered gasp of the young man who died alone.
It was a safe, imagined place
where justice poured through the I.V.,
where the rainbow was no mere decoration,
and the sun shone.

It was me, remembering your face.

It was the years the couples have stacked on the shelves,
bringing in friends and family to see
what they have always wanted to show: only, at last, themselves.
It was the love that grows out in the open.

It was a piece of paper
that said something.
It was freedom’s ring
that looks so good, now and henceforth, upon your finger.
It was the lingering possibility of the living God,
a power in the world’s pulse
that leans us toward all that is not yet,
and, hearing something lovely in its chime,
gets us to the church on time.

It was another step
towards the apocalypse, or the dawn.
It was lovemaking with the lights turned on.

It was America and her people returning
to their wedding vows: equality for all, ever learning
together what that means.

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Your Monday Blessing: Consider Your Eyelids

Consider
your eyelids
as open palms,
a child’s hands.
At the end of the day –
the good day, the bad day –
they stretch out
towards the heart
in offering,
giving the day back
to Papa.

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Thug or mentally ill?

Thug, or mentally ill? Let’s consider the evidence:

* Racist hate groups’ constant rhetoric of “they’re taking over”
* Assault-weapon gun ownership (for protection) involving less paperwork then a fishing license
* The most overpriced health care system in the world – with mediocre results, for those who can afford it
* White flight to the suburbs
* Two wars in response to terrorist attacks, in countries that didn’t attack us, in an unsuccessful attempt to eliminate terrorism
* The largest defense budget and among the smallest social safety net of wealthy nations
* A homicide rate four to five times that of other wealthy nations
* A heavily armed police force, who serve under the constant threat that someone is carrying a weapon, who are tasked to aggressively investigate anyone who looks suspicious in the particular neighborhood they serve and protect
* 25% of the world’s prisoners, housed at a cost of billions
* A land of little to no opportunity: one of the worst social mobility scores in the developed world
* A society that is heavily segregated by race, class, income, education and age
* Children’s unsupervised play regarded as neglectful parenting
* Adults hurling insults at immigrant children
* An immigration policy that amounts to “let them live in the shadows, as long as they’re making us money”, coupled with acts of intimidation and violence
* People feeling threatened, even attacked, by others uttering the basic affirmation that “black lives matter”
* A confederate flag on the South Carolina statehouse lawn. I’m presuming because a giant sign saying “*#%& you African-American residents of South Carolina” was too expensive
* Regular mass shootings at schools, public events, and houses of worship

What did I miss? Probably quite a bit.

So is our nation a thug, or are we mentally ill? Given this list of behaviors, I can understand how some might declare American society to be a thug – a deranged, violent sociopath, utterly committed to its selfish, destructive agenda, with no hope of socialization or redemption. Sometimes it’s hard to argue with this – on our worst days, anyway. But I love America as one of my own, and so I choose to believe in our chances of redemption, right or wrong. I’m not denying that we’ve done what we’ve been accused of. We’ve caused unimaginable hurt. We’ve destroyed lives. But I am committed to the idea that our issues have causes, which might mean, possibly, that they might one day have solutions. And so, grounded in compassion and love, I subscribe to the notion that our society suffers from mental, emotional, and moral illness.

What’s the diagnosis? I am neither a psychologist nor a sociologist, so won’t attempt a diagnosis here, but I have my suspicions. We seem to be obsessed with safety and the fear of death. Where we live, how we live, how we parent, our gun laws, our penal system, our health care system – everything is built around the individual’s right, even responsibility, to be wholly and completely committed to protecting our own safety. As a consequence of this, we never feel safe. And we are paralyzed from meaningful collective action, stuck on the lowest rung of Maszlow’s pyramid of needs.

Appearing successful is a huge fetish for us, of course, and failure a bugaboo. We are compulsive hoarders – we don’t want anyone taking away our stuff, not the government, not anyone else. Along with our fear of death, we live in constant fear of what we have being taken away. We don’t trust each other very well, and are prone to talk trash about the other members of our family/nation.

I can’t tell you for sure what it all adds up to, but it doesn’t take a degree in psychology to note the signs of childhood trauma. Given our childhood as a nation, that makes a lot of sense.

Whenever I hear remarks of America’s being – or failing to be – a Christian nation, I’m reminded of a quote attributed to Mahatma Gandhi, when he was asked what he thought of Western civilization. “I think it would be a good idea,” Gandhi is reported to have said. While I don’t want to live in a religious state, sometimes I do wonder what it would be like to actually live in a Christian nation. A nation whose first concern was helping the poorest, a nation that was willing to risk their own life, even to die to self, in order to help others. I don’t know whether America becoming a Christian nation would be a good idea or not. I do know that we’ve never tried it. The closest we’ve come to being a Christian nation is at the margins of our society: like at that Charleston AME church, who kept the doors open, welcomed the stranger into their sanctuary, sat with him and prayed with him. Yes, they were betrayed. But the folks who are living a truly Christian life – serving others fearlessly, naming oppression and still choosing mercy – are betrayed by the powerful in our country every single day.

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A reflection on Caitlyn Jenner, Rachel Dolezal, and the American art of reinvention

For those who can afford it, America has always been a land rich in the possibilities for reinvention. Long before The Great Gatsby, people in this country have seized the opportunity to remake themselves in the image of that which they knew to be true, or beautiful, or merely profitable. European immigrants – lower-class rubes, religious castoffs, convicts, misfits, starry-eyed dreamers – stepped off the boat and declared themselves a new people. They were no longer Europeans, but were now free of their past, completely untethered from the families and societies from which they came. They were American.

Of course, psychologists now know you can’t make a clean break from your past. We are working through the mystery and madness of our upbringing until the day we die. But back then, there were no psychologists to trouble us. We named our “new” country after an Italian explorer. We didn’t even bother to use his real name, Amerigio. America sounded better.

Our invented country – and its invented people – not only rejected our own pasts in our self-imaginings. We also rejected the pasts of others. A continent that people had lived on for thousands of years was christened the New World. Ever wonder why Native Americans (and, for that matter, Africans and Aboriginal people) have always been romanticized by white people as “living in the moment”? Hint: it doesn’t actually have anything to do with the lived experience of Native Americans. It’s because we can’t bear for them to have a past. A people who live in the moment conveniently fits our model of a world in which no one else’s past interferes with our own – the past that we have outgrown and left behind. Native people effectively function as role players in our own personal screenplay.

With slavery, we took our capacity for reinvention to a new level. Not only did European immigrants reinvent themselves, we invented an entire way of life. Like the Germans in the 1930s, this way of life was couched in an appeal to an imaginary past that simply did not exist. It was, perhaps, the cruellest slavery an unkind world had ever known; we claimed it as the eternal truth. We justified the inhumane system of our economic comfort by incriminating our ancestors, and God.

It was important that the African slaves not have a past, either – certainly not a different past – and so we taught them religion. By this, we meant “our” religion, which was, in a non-linear, non-mythical way, also our past. We taught of Abraham and Sarah and Hagar, offered our blessings alongside Jesus’ beatitudes, and told of ancient slaves obeying ancient masters. Though we were uncomfortable with our religion’s ramifications of a shared heaven, it soothed our consciences to know we shared the same history and the same God.

But then, history twisted around the poles of the covenant. Oh, what a glorious twist! African-Americans – who knew a thing a two about reinventing, for it was a knowledge upon which their survival depended – saw their own, separate history in the very history the white people had foisted on them! The Exodus story was seen for what it is: not a past to justify the rule of (Judeo-)Christian hegemony, but a present that God had given one people, and that was always in God’s hands to give again. Jesus was seen for who he is: not the patron saint of Europe, but the redeemer whose revelation eternally begins, not on one cross in Palestine, but on every cross, and on every shameful death from a tree.

It was Black America that redeemed the original promise of America. African-Americans had, at last and for the first time, discovered America psychologically. They had discovered how a half-forgotten, traumatic past could be redeemed into a promise of truth, liberty and justice for all. Christopher Columbus and his ilk enabled a shift of population across continents. Thomas Jefferson and the “Founding Fathers” (note that our leading lights were never sons – Jefferson himself cared little for his ancestry) tallied the possibilities in their imperfect minds, creating a sort of loose map of our collective future. We owe any mapmaker credit, but not too much. African-Americans, the Black preachers and talkers and hopers and dreamers of the seventeenth and eighteenth and nineteenth and twentieth centuries, were the people who actually discovered America for all of us. With nothing more than snatches of song about the promised land, they crossed the American Sinai, step by step, and came into “the land that never has been yet”, as Langston Hughes described our nation.

Gradually, eventually, over the centuries, America came to exist. It was not simply an outcrop on which Europeans could run away, clearing out the original population and bringing their own tools and servants. It was now a place in its own right, a culture living its dream out into the world. This dream is an important one: that the past can be redeemed, and the full present brought forth in beauty. And that the world can be improved, made a little more like the deepest dream in our hearts. If Jefferson’s immortal phrase in the Declaration of Independence, “all men are created equal”, was the deed of sale, the African-American experience was the instruction manual. And so, from its foundation in the African-American religious experience, other movements emerged: equality for women, a decent wage, time off and protections for working people, equal rights for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. “God hath sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat”: though Julia Ward Howe later renounced “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” as glorifying violence, she got the tenor of our American age exactly right. God’s terrible, swift sword of justice was no longer a statue of antiquity. It was in constant motion, breaking loose the old fetters.

The historical fact that the genius of our nation originates, in large part, from its African-American heritage will come as no surprise to our neighbors in other nations across the globe. I hate to break it to you, but no one actually raves about our apple pie. It is bland and unoriginal, merely a dull copy of its counterparts in Europe and China. America, the America everyone loves, is Dixieland jazz and hip-hop and rock and roll. America is gospel music and gospel churches. This is freedom’s music, and the world has learned it. It is the music where reinvention is not only possible, it takes shape. Time and time again, the music teaches us: this movement in your soul, this natural response to the sound of creative love, is who you really are. And you can be who you are called to be. It is a music that recognizes the past, but does not bow to it. Rather, it brings the past in, holds the pain and the promise close to the heart, and transforms it.

With that, why don’t we discuss what are, apparently, the great controversies of our day: Caitlyn Jenner and Rachel Dolezal.

Caitlyn Jenner was born with male genitalia and given, upon birth, a male name. But, she reports, she always felt like a woman on the inside. So, having the money and the wherewithal, Jenner changed her genitalia and her name to suit how she really felt on the inside.

It’s not that complicated. Jenner is not denying her past. She didn’t claim to have always had female genitalia. She didn’t demean, belittle or deny the existence and experience of women, men, or cisgender folks. She felt a call within her soul, a call to assert the womanhood that was her experience of humanness, and she lived out that call faithfully. Others can, and do, draw courage from her experience.

“What if she’s wrong?” some may ask. “What if God meant her to live out her suffering as a man who doesn’t want to be a man?”

Listen, people, my money’s on God wanting us to help the poor and liberate the oppressed. That’s the God I serve. That’s the form or justice the abundant and wondrous mystery takes for me. If I’m wrong about that, and there’s a God out there whose deepest concern is that we reinforce traditional gender norms – well, then I’m wrong about a bunch of things. And American history is wrong, and the Bible’s basic claim to liberating efficacy is wrong, too. But I’ll take my chances.

Then we come to the interesting matter of Rachel Dolezal. Dolezal has worked all her life in the Black community, serving as head of the Spokane NAACP and an adjunct professor of Africana Studies, among other titles. Dolezal’s birth parents, according to media reports, claim no African ancestry, but Dolezal did, at one point introducing an African-American man as her own father. She gradually changed her appearance, putting her hair in box braids and giving herself a spray tan. Dolezal also claimed to be a recipient of hate mail, that in all likelihood she never received.

One of the obvious differences between the Dolezal and Jenner situations is falsifiability. If Dolezal had simply said, “I was born to white parents in Montana, but I’ve always identified more with the African-American community”, there would be no brouhaha. Sure, one might point out that Dolezal has not experienced the same systematic oppression of those with an African-American background, a fact she would be wise to acknowledge. But I don’t think many would bother to call her sympathies into question. What she did, however, was to make up a false past. Who knows why: probably there was some sincere sense of allegiance mixed in with the reckoning that it served her professionally and personally to do so. Clearly and obviously, she did not tell the truth. How we self-identify is extremely subjective; the facts of our life are not. If I tell you I self-identify as a Green Bay Packer because of my love for the team, this might lead to all kinds of interesting discussions about whether fans are part of the organization, and what makes a Green Bay Packer. If I told you I once played as a Left Tackle in the NFL, that’s either true or false.

In Dolezal’s case, the falsehood was a hurtful one. For the millions who are discriminated against daily because of the evils of prejudice and systemic oppression, a white person acting black to advance her career must seem a particularly cruel joke. Every day, countless thousands of résumés are cast aside, simply because the name at the top doesn’t “sound European” enough. As ridiculous as this premise sounds, it has been thoroughly tested, and shown to be true. So for a white person to make a career from flaunting the myth of her own oppression? It’s a bit laughable, really. And it’s also obscene.

Still, there’s a certain curious grandeur to Rachel Dolezal – just as there was to James Gatz, the Great Gatsby. She was led on by a dream, and though her dreaming occasionally faltered into delusion, the heart of the dream itself was beautiful. She has been dreaming a better world, even as she refused to fully see herself – as she really was, with her past and all – as a part of that world. But we should not be surprised by this. Self-delusion has been the national pastime of European-Americans for a long time now. We came off the boat and were instantly American. We had no past. Nor did anyone else. This delusion freed us to be self-made men and self-made women. We could create our own lives, from scratch. We could rise to the heavens by taking a sledgehammer to the mountains of our past.

The dream of self-determination, the dream of absolute freedom from our past, lives on strong in this country. It explains everything from our tax laws to our penal system. It is slowly being replaced by a new dream, a better dream, borne out of the African-American religious experience: the dream that the past need not be forgotten, but can be redeemed. It is not inevitable that this new, better dream wins out in the end. But if it doesn’t, the old dream will not work. We will never escape our past by ignoring it.

Because even the idea of rootlessness has a past. Remember: the first self-made man was Lucifer. All others are crafted in his image.

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Your Monday Blessing

May it always be
November in your wisdom,
March in your hope,
and June in your heart.

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In Defense of Ice Cream as a Spiritual Practice

In Defense of Ice Cream as a Spiritual Practice

First of all, ice cream is utterly destructive
to the body. Let go
of all the brittle little lies about calcium; please don’t talk to me
of endorphins’ role in stress reduction. Let us be plain
about our pleasures. Ice cream leads to death.
Maybe not immediately, except in extreme cases, but combined with its like,
ice cream is generally fatal. There is, therefore,
an inherent unselfishness at the core of the eating of ice cream,
a delight that melts away itself.
“This is my joy,” speaks the eater of ice cream. “And it is also,
in due course, the complete annihilation of the ego.”

To eat an ice cream, one must know something
of the unspeakable joy latent
in all corruptible things.
There is a cow at the heart of the world,
and we are all fed, for a while.
Our terrible hunger, the ravagings of Cortes,
the vanilla and cocoa bean advancing from a ground of blood:
while all the passing time the sweetness is already there
in the cow’s lowing. The earth is
ravaged into its shell, we dig deep for one last lick, and we get it.
A bell echoes in an empty lobby.

To really enjoy an ice cream – say, two coops of Rocky Road
encased in a waffle cone (for what is a poem, really,
but two scoops of Rocky Road encased in a waffle cone),
we have spend enough time in the rooms of 98-year-old women
to notice how our lives become like a silk dress after the party,
loved still, and more, but easily dropped,
how in time we return to an essential rightness that was never there before.
How a true reaper addresses his scythe only to what is finished. What is ready.
We come back to life from those rooms, come back to the ice cream stand,
and are ready to order our own dissolution,
with a cherry on top, saying,
“this is my body and this
is my family.”

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Your Monday Blessing: Breathing in, breathing out

Through me, the earth breathes in.
Through me, the earth breathes out.

In the present moment, through me, the earth breathes in.
In the present moment, through me, the earth breathes out.

Through my gaps, through my brokenness, the earth breathes in.
Thtough my gaps, through my brokenness, the earth breathes out.

Through this stick, the earth breathes in.
Through this stick, the earth breathes out.

Through me and this stick, the earth breathes in.
Through me and this stick, the earth breathes out.

Through my friend, the earth breathes in.
Through my friend, the earth breathes out.

Through my enemy, the earth breathes in.
Through my enemy, the earth breathes out.

Through all the holes and all the in-between, the earth breathes in.
Through all the holes and all the in-between, the earth breathes out.

Through my body, the earth breathes in.
Through my body, the earth breathes out.

Through my larger body, the earth breathes in.
Through my larger body, the earth breathes out.

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Your Monday Blessing: A young man’s arms

A young man’s arms
will never find his granddaughter’s embrace.
He knew his desire
to be of service, he knew his mates,
he saw Verdun, such as it was,
he briefly knew a shell,
and not much more remains to tell.
Except our story: to preach his excellence
in our freedom, to watch parades
pass by the battlefield.
But that’s our story, not his. A man’s unfolding,
generative life, the wife not found,
the rest not won, the meaning-making scarce begun,
and the granddaughter, whose peerless face
and tiny hands, outstretched towards the old man,
outstretched towards a world of love,
wait forever at Verdun.

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Your Monday Blessing

May your dreams constantly be
interrupted by children,
and may your dog keep you
from doing anything too important

May your life be filled with the triumphs
of fixing all the household objects
that weren’t supposed to be broken.

May the gab of neighborhood mouths
arrest your way to work.

May the plans for you life rest peacefully
in their drawer, underneath
the motor oil receipts and the plastic umbrellas,
th wine stains slowly returning the paper to the earth.

May you be too poor for a castle,
so that you are unprotected
from the travellers and beggars
who decide to pitch camp in your lawn,
bringing only the eternal wisdom
that this world will never be fully saved,
only savored.

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